There are two sets of wedding vows in the wedding ceremony.  The first set of vows are the “I do” vows.  The minister says the vows, which are a set of questions, “Do you…”  The groom answers, “I do.”  And then the bride.  This is usually pretty easy to do.

The second set of vows in the wedding ceremony is the ring vows.  They are the “repeat after me” vows.  The wedding pastor says, “Place this ring on the wedding finger of your bride and repeat after me.”  The groom then places this sparkling solitaire on the finger of his bride and looks directly at the minister.  WRONG.  Please, look at the bride.  Of course, the bride should look at the groom.

It is very natural to look at someone when they are speaking to you.  However, keep in mind what you are doing.  The wedding officiant is saying the vows for you to repeat.  You are saying them to your bride or your groom.  So look at the person you are speaking to.

Now for some reason, the guys are more often guilty of this than the girls.  The guys have more of a tendency to look at the minister, while the brides tend to look into the eyes of their husbands. 

I think the reason is that the groom, who usually goes first, is often more focused on “not messing up.”  So he looks at the minister so he can get all the words right.  It is for this reason that I always use “short phrases.”

I always try to address this issue before the ceremony with both the bride and the groom.  If we get to the “repeat after me” vows and the groom places the sacred ring on his bride’s finger and looks directly at me, I will say my first line while looking at the groom, and then very deliberately turn to look directly at the bride, hoping he will get the message.  Usually this works and he will begin looking at her while listening to me.  I tell them both ahead of time that if, for some reason, they do not hear the phrase, or if their mind wanders and they just miss it, to look at me and I will repeat it.  No problem.

It will make you and your spouse both feel very special and valued as you look deeply and adoringly into their eyes while your expressing your love and commitment for a lifetime.  It is a small thing, but it can make a big difference.

Technorati Tags: wedding ceremony, wedding day, wedding tips, wedding vows